Sunday, March 28, 2010

Mi-Del Chocolate Sandwich Cookies

I must have some sort of body part that is dedicated to metabolizing Oreo cookies.  In the absence of Oreo cookies, it triggers a reaction that causes me to salivate and obsess over and crave Oreo cookies.  That's all I can figure.  I love Oreos more than life itself and would jump in front of a train for them. 

So it's been hard to not be able to eat them.  I see Oreo cheesecake and Oreo ice cream and Oreo this and that, and I want it soooo bad.  But really, I just want an Oreo.  How can I have an Oreo?  I needed something like an Oreo.  NOW.

Well, I found these lovely friends and decided that I would give them a shot.  After all, they LOOK like Oreos, right?

They are not Oreos.

They aren't horrible.  But let me explain how this works, exactly. 

When I opened the package, it was like staring at Oreos again.  Hello, fake Oreos!  And I pulled one out and bit into it.  Absolutely vile.  Like chewing on cardboard.  Just disgusting.  But then as I chewed and took another bite, the flavor started to catch up with itself.  Slowly it became the flavor of an Oreo cookie. 

When I bit into the second cookie, it was a convincing Oreo substitute. 

The aftertaste leaves something to be desired, though.  I'm sure this is a common problem, like my bland cheese problem. 

Well, so here's the thing.  You can eat these Mi-Del sandwich cookies in place of your beloved gluteny chocolate sandwich cookie of choice, but you need to be warned that you MUST eat two cookies in order to appreciate the flavor.  One will not do.  And at 130 calories per two cookies, you're wasting about 70 calories of your day on a cookie that tastes like paper products. 

Enjoy.

I wonder if they would be any good in something like a cheesecake.  I ordinarily eat my chocolate sandwich cookies by halves, but when I tried that with these cookies, found the frosting too bland.  Blah.  (I don't eat them with milk because milk is disgusting, but they might be good for that.  I have no clue.)

Mi-Del Arrowroot Cookies

Back in the early days of my colitis-ing, I had a lot of "safe" foods I would turn to when I was feeling icky or needed something "easy" to eat.  The irony is that now those foods exacerbate my colitis symptoms.  Really amazing, that. 

One of my safe foods (among Teddy Grahams and Goldfish) was animal crackers.  I really like animal crackers because they are just little animal-shaped puffs of cookie, lightly sweet, very crunchy, and not really good or bad for you.  They just ... are. 

It's been a real struggle to find something to be my "safe" food since then.  Most foods are not safe to begin with, and then those that are "safe" often contain hard-to-digest things like oodles of fiber or nuts or tough, fibrous fruits.  I can't get Rice Chex in this country. 

I was pretty thrilled to find these gluten-free animal crackers in the "special diet" section of Foreign Buyers Club.  Animal crackers!  That I can eat!  Oh joy of joys!!  I put them in the cart and waited my 32-39 days.

These cookies, I feel I should start, contain eggs, milk, and soy.  They are not good for people who are sensitive or allergic to those items.  And they claim to be produced in an area full of wheat and nuts, although their products meet "gluten-free" guidelines.  Okay, we've got that out of the way ...

On the front of the package I can see a bear, a buffalo, a camel, and a ... a ... is that ... what on earth is that?  It looks like a cross between a baby cow and a bear.  What on earth is a cross between a cow and a bear?  I can't even adequately make a humorous combination of the two words.  All that comes up in my mind is "crowbar."  I guess that almost works.

I opened the bag and there was a pleasant vanilla scent.  I don't know if these actually contain vanilla ("natural flavorings") but they do smell like a nice cookie.  (The bag has an excellent design so that you can fold it over and keep the cookies as fresh as possible.  I have to say I was impressed.) 

I pulled out a cookie.  We'll say it was a camel.  My first impression was that it was flat, not puffy like an animal cracker.  Then I bit into it.  It wasn't crumbly either, like either kind of animal cracker (the kinds in a plastic tub or the kinds that come in the train car box and taste like McDonaldland cookies).  It was kind of hard.  I bit through it and the cookie was very buttery, like a shortbread cookie but with a different texture.  It was a good flavor, but not an animal cracker flavor.

I ate a few more.  They were pretty good, and pretty un-caloric.  A serving of crackers is 10 and that gives you about 130 calories, so they are very diet-friendly like an ordinary animal cracker.  As for nutritional value, you won't find much more than a little iron and protein.  I suppose, like an ordinary animal cracker. 

After eating a few I started to notice the aftertaste.  I'm not sure what flour or ingredient causes it, but they do have a pretty unpleasant aftertaste.  Kind of sour and bitter.  And the only cure is to eat another cracker, which may be some kind of devious plot on the part of the folks at Mi-Del.  (I guess you could also eat/drink something else.) 

So in conclusion ... good flavor, bad aftertaste.  I can't really recommend these for people who are aching for an animal cracker, as they don't resemble them in anything but shape.  But if you've been dying for Walker's Shortbreads?  These are like a flat, crunchy version of those, shaped like bear-cows.  And they would make a good snack for you or your kids (or you if you're a kid) or whomever else.  They come in a conveniently tall bag and they don't have any trans fat.  So if that's one of your big worries in life, worry no more.  Huzzah.

Ragu Double Cheddar Sauce

I remember back when I was a university student in Japan for a year abroad.  I was pining for macaroni and cheese, which was impossible to find anywhere.  I found a jar of this Ragu cheddar sauce and mixed it with pasta and ... was extremely disappointed.  There was absolutely no flavor.  I gave it one more shot, thinking I had just undercooked the pasta or not drained it enough or something, but no.  It was just awful sauce.

Fast forward to my wheatless state.  I had been purchasing cases and cases of Annie's delightfully delicious macaroni and cheese--deluxe--which was the bestest macaroni and cheese EVER, and I was not about to give up eating macaroni and cheese for something like a wheat intolerance.  So I went back to Old Cheesy and hoped I could make it edible.

I read around on the internet and found some people discussing how to add flavor to it.  So I poured some of it in a bowl, added salt and pepper, and then some grated cheese.  Microwaved it.  And put pasta in it.  And it was surprisingly edible.

See, here's the thing:  Ragu needs to think about upgrading their Double Cheddar to maybe Triple or Quadruple Cheddar, because there is no %@#a&ing cheddar in this sauce.  If this is DOUBLE, then maybe quadruple or quintuple would make something with some actual flavor.  When I buy a jar of something, I want to use it straight from the jar.  I don't want to have cheese on hand to add to cheese sauce.  Because that defeats the purpose of buying a sauce.  I could make my own sauce. 


What is up with all these bland, lackluster cheese sauces?  Come on, guys.  I checked just to make sure that Tostitos and Ragu were not in cahoots, but Tostitos is Pepsi and Ragu is Unilever. 

Do not buy this sauce unless you are either really desperate or else want to add your own special touch to the sauce.  It is not worth it.  It's simply bad by itself.  The alfredo sauce isn't much better, as I recall.  There just HAS to be a better cheese sauce out there you can use on pasta or chicken or whatever.  Has to be.  HAS TO BE!!

Tostitos Salsa Con Queso Medium

That's a big jar.  Cheez.

If there's one thing Japan is not quite clear on, it's Mexican food.  Not even Tex-Mex style Mexican food.  In the mind of Japan, Mexican food = "tacos."  Not even ONE taco.  It's always plural.  "Tacos."  There's also Okinawan "taco rice," which people either don't know is pseudo-Mexican food or don't know is Okinawan.

Oh sure, there are a few Mexican restaurants here and there.  There are some El Torito outlets about and a few independent restaurants.  But what I miss are nachos.  Not just nachos, but nachos with neon orange cheese goo.  I found a couple of jars and cans of goo, but they were either not very good or contained ingredients I couldn't eat.

I turned to my friends at Foreign Buyers Club to see what they had.  They didn't have much.  A giant tub of something that would be impossible to store.  Six jars of Mrs. Renfro's, which either was not very good (according to someone on the internet) or fine (wishful thinking).  And Tostitos brand.  I know Tostitos brand is edible for people like me, and it was something I'm sure I'd had in the past and was edible enough.  It would do.

I bought some salt-free tortilla chips and waited for my jars of cheesiness to arrive at my door.

Now, the Tostitos cheese goo isn't terrible.  It's just not very good either.  (Desperate times call for desperate measures.)

I don't generally prefer medium heat, but that was the only one available.  And it was delightfully medium.  It isn't too spicy and it isn't unspicy.  So that's accurate.  And there sure is salsa in there to make it salsa con queso.  There are bits of peppers and things that you can see and eat and everything.  Great.  But I have a slight quibble with the queso part.  Yes, it looks like cheese.  And it tastes almost like cheese too.  But very watered down cheese.  When I want orange goo I want a thick, rich, cheddar cheese flavor.  This has a mild, bland, timid cheese flavor that seems to want to avoid upstaging the salsa element, but didn't realize that the salsa was going to be about 10 minutes late.  Whoops.

So what else can I say about Tostitos's salsa con queso?  It does the job, I guess.  I didn't have much of a choice.  It went well with my salt-free tortilla chips (as well as bland cheese product can) and it won't make me ill, at least from a wheat/gluten standpoint.  But if you can choose something else I would definitely recommend it.  Tostitos should be a last resort or a next-to-last resort.  If you can't eat gluten, it's a safe choice, but surely something else must be safe too.  Perhaps you could add a little cheese to it and make it taste more like what it's supposed to be.  Like I had to do with the Ragu cheese sauce.

Saturday, March 27, 2010

Hormel Chili

Why on earth would I review a can of chili?  Namely because I can, but also because I just ate it. 


When I was a kid, I didn't like chili.  I didn't realize that this was because my mother, who is NOT A COOK or a chef or anyone who should ever produce food, used to make chili using ketchup, tomato paste, diced tomatoes, tomato paste, stewed tomatoes, and kidney beans.  I'm sure there were other ingredients, but good lord, I do not like tomatoes all that much and all the saltines in the world couldn't make her chili taste edible. 

Then one day I decided to sample the school cafeteria's chili and was surprised to find that I actually liked it.  And I wondered why the heck my mom's chili was so awful and the school's chili, which was SCHOOL food, was so good.

I also liked Frito Chili Pie.  I tried it once at Sonic and that was it.  I was hooked.  Frito Chili Freakin Pie.  And I decided I wanted to make it at home, too.  But who wants to MAKE a pot of chili to do that, right?  So I picked up a can of Hormel and hoped for the best.  And I was very surprised that not only was it good, but it was the same level of good I had experienced at school. 

This might not sound like a glowing review.  "It tastes like school food?  What?  Ew!" 

Dude, it's chili in a can.  This is not gourmet food.  But when you want chili and you want it now and you don't want anything really offensive to the stomach (it isn't spicy or anything) and that doesn't contain weird stuff or taste ketchupy, Hormel is like some kind of magical deity floating down from the heavens and bestowing fantastic cans of bliss upon you.  Plus, I can get it in Japan EASILY.

Unfortunately, Fritos are something that were available briefly in Japan for about two months and are almost impossible to get.  Ditto for Velveeta.  So my Frito Chili Pie must be re-created with tortilla chips and actual cheese.  Which is good enough.  It would be hard to fake the chili.  Then you'd be either making it (annoying) or using something like curry (kind of gross). 

Additionally, Hormel is meat.  And protein.  Being in Japan where everything is slathered in soy-based sauce, meat is difficult to get pre-made.  If I want something meaty and don't want to cook?  Hormel is there for me.  I love you, Hormel.

Byron Bay Gluten Free White Chocolate Macadamia Cookie

National Azabu is a supermarket hidden away in the somewhat un-Japanese area around Hiroo Station.  I used to go there for various goodies (cheese, cereal, frozen meat pies), and since being unable to eat most foods, I've taken to going there to get the few random gluten-free foods they carry.

There are very, very few.

So I was really surprised when I turned around to humor myself at the cracker and cookie kiosk and saw the words "GLUTEN FREE" staring back at me from a display of cookies.

"Whaaaaaat?" I said to myself in my head.  And I grabbed up one of the white chocolate macadamia cookies and two of the triple chocolate cookies (the only two that were left).

I am a cookie racist.  I automatically assume that a chocolate cookie will be better than a white cookie.  So I only bought ONE of the white cookies despite a relatively full display.  And I ate it relatively soon after purchasing my cookies, thinking it was "the bad one."  I always save the best for last.

Oh no.  No no no no no.  It was the good one.  Nay, the BEST one.

I'm sure I had a Byron Bay cookie in the past, when I could eat the wheatins freely.  I don't remember it being exceptional.  But somehow the flavor of this particular cookie was just ... awesome.  Oftentimes cookies are too sweet in a really odd way, like the way my old nemesis RAISINS are sweet.  These cookies are pleasantly sweet, but not too much.  The white chocolate and macadamias are almost indistinguishable by texture and sight, but both have a distinct and lovely flavor.  (And let me be honest, I do not like white chocolate.)

My only gripe would be that the cookies are fairly crumbly, but that's something you expect from gluten-free goods.  And crunchy cookies.  See, I don't usually even like crunchy cookies.  But this one tastes so good that I don't care that it isn't chewy.

Oh, and I have another gripe.  EXPENSSSSSIVE.  I thought I was being ripped off at 315 yen per cookie here in Japan, but then I saw that if you buy the cookies in US$ they're about $3 each anyway.  I think the company is Australian, so maybe that has something to do with it.  (Australia is full of hardy, Vegemite-eating, kangaroo-ass-kicking people who are 8 feet tall and can handle paying $3 for a cookie.) 

Friday, March 26, 2010

Enjoy Life Snickerdoodles

I really like cookies and I really like cinnamon.  I often bake my own cookies (using rice flour) or make cinnamon sweets to satisfy those cravings.  But you know, sometimes I get tired.  Sometimes I would rather not buy ingredients.  Sometimes I wish I could just go out and buy a damn cookie.

But I live in Japan, and that's not possible.  Japan barely knows what it means to have an allergy, let alone a sensitivity to anything.  They occasionally get on this kick of "let's use rice flour!" to promote domestic consumption (since they don't grow wheat), but they still use wheat gluten in those products, or mix the rice flour with wheat flour.  Lame. 

A friend sent me a box with some goodies in it.  Among those goodies was a box of Enjoy Life Soft Baked Snickerdoodle Cookies.  I was pretty excited, because I'd seen these on Foreign Buyers Club (a site where you can order largely American goods and have them shipped to you in Japan), but they were only available by the case.  I didn't want to order 12 boxes of them, so I had passed on the opportunity to try them and figured I just never would.  At least, until I could reach some kind of American shore, which was not in danger of happening anytime soon.


Let's start with the box, shall we?  The picture shows some cracked, beautifully brown little cookies.  One of them has inexplicably been broken in half (it hasn't been bitten into, so I suppose someone tore it in half and ate one half and just left the other one on the pile for someone else to find later).  The box tells us it's "nut and gluten free" but also devoid of wheat, dairy, egg, soy, fish, shellfish (thank god, no shrimp in my cookies), peanuts and tree nuts.  And just for the heck of it, it also does not contain casein, potato, sesame, or sulfites.  Good to know.  Very few people can't not eat these cookies.  This is a good thing.

A serving is two cookies, and there are six servings in the box.  (They're packaged in twos in a plastic tray in the box.)  Each serving has 130 calories and 4.5 grams of fat.  There isn't much redeeming content, but they do have 6% of your vitamin A and 2% of your calcium and iron.  To be fair, I think Oreos have quite a bit of your iron as well, so this isn't some kind of huge achievement in healthy cookie-ing.  Two cookies will also give you 8% of your fiber.  I could make a comment about this, but I'll move on to ...

The flavor!

Of course, you want to know how these taste.  Well, so, imagine you're at a party and there are chocolate chip cookies and oatmeal cookies.  The chocolate chip cookies were homemade by someone's grandmother, but the oatmeal cookies are from a box.  You've been DJing the whole time and when you finally get to the cookie table, hoping to try one of these giant, scrumptious chocolate chip cookies, only the oatmeal cookies are left. 

Well, you still want a cookie, so you eat it.  It's okay.  It's not bad.  It's a cookie.  But it's not the cookie you wanted. 

The Enjoy Life Snickerdoodles contain grape and date, and you can tell.  I mean, you can actually see what I assume is bits of date in the cookie if you bite into it.  So while my first impression on my first bite was, "Cinnamon!"  My second was, "RAISIN.  I TASTE RAISIN."  And it wasn't raisin, but close enough.  I would, to be honest, be far more offended if this were a chocolate cookie, as raisins are used in low-cal or low-fat cookies to try to pretend to be chocolate flavor.

The flavor is kind of dark, like an oatmeal cookie.  The cookies contain brown sugar, which would contribute to that.  When I think of snickerdoodles, I think of a kind of sugar cookie with cinnamon in it.  This is more like a cinnamony oatmeal cookie but without the oatmeal.  But with the raisin flavor and without the raisins. 

Which brings me to the texture.  I've seen a lot of complaints about the texture.  I just figure when you go gluten free you sacrifice a lot of texture in the name of ... well ... being gluten free.  The cookies are soft.  In fact, so soft and sticky that each set in the package is like a mated pair, bonded for life.  Definitely not dry and crumbly, as gluten, egg, and dairy-free goods will be.  But the texture is a bit gritty.  Chalk it up to the dates or the flour.  But it's really no worse than an oatmeal or whole grain type of cookie.

Besides, beggars can't be choosers.  And that's pretty much the summation of my feelings on these cookies.  Oh, you could bake your own cookies, but sometimes you just don't want to ( or can't) do that.  If your problem is just gluten, there might be a better cookie out there.  If you have other allergies or sensitivities, you might be out of luck.  This might be your only hope for something like a normal cookie life.  So they serve their purpose.  Can't say I love them or would crave them desperately, but they are definitely edible.      

Hola.

This is a blog I set up because I often find myself scouring the internet for product reviews.  When it comes to foods, it's a bit difficult because tastes are different.  But I want to do my part for the "sensitive" community. 

Largely, I'll be reviewing wheat and gluten-free foods.  Because I'm a lazybutt, I'll be linking to Amazon when possible.  But that makes it easier for you to purchase the product.  (I'll probably link directly to the product elsewhere when Amazon is not a possibility.  Take pictures myself?  Oh goodness.  Not yet.)