I normally review food, but this is totally food-related. Bear with me.
I saw this lady on Bill Maher's show the other day, promoting "slow food." Apparently "slow food" is when you cook everything from scratch in the slowest way possible. Like we used to in the "old days."
I understand that this is healthier. I'm not going to argue that it isn't. It is way healthier to make everything from scratch. But really? Unless you absolutely don't work and have a lot of money, it isn't always very feasible. She argued that it was totally possible to eat "slow" and be poor. I might give you that if you have conveniences like electricity, a fridge/freezer, access to a good supermarket, and no special dietary needs. I know from my experience that the first hurdle is dietary needs. If you don't have to supplement your diet with soy milk, egg replacer, or gluten free bread, you are going to spend a lot less money. Great.
Next we need access to a supermarket. Possible in more rural areas but less possible in the city. I realize we're talking about America here, but my experience is that here in Tokyo the supermarkets are smaller and more expensive, while the ones just outside Tokyo are a lot larger and cheaper. I'm prettttty sure this is the same back home. And let's not forget that, like I am here in Tokyo, you may be limited to what you can carry if you can't afford a car (or just car-less in general). So that economical bag of beans is out. So is the economical, wholesale package of chicken parts. You're stuck buying smaller amounts of things, which are already more expensive. When you can choose a frozen dinner or 20 ingredients to make it from scratch, which are you going to choose? Probably whatever is lighter.
Then you need something to keep it in and heat it up. You can buy a Hot Pocket and heat it up at the convenience store if you don't have a microwave at home. Even if you do have cooking implements, you're going to need cooling implements. If you're rather poor and don't have a fridge or even electricity, there is no way in hell you are going to buy or cook enough of anything to be remotely economical. The McD's dollar menu is your best bet. Once again, being that I live in Tokyo, I know what it is to have no fridge or freezer space. If you have a small fridge or freezer, even if you HAVE it, you are still limited on the amount of bulk cooking you can do. (I won't get into how my kitchen is basically a gas burner and a sink. A single burner.)
I wish Maher had prodded her when she said that poor people could easily do the slow food thing. And not just for the points I just made. Also for the point that OH MY GOD FOOD TAKES TIME.
Yes, we have crockpots to do some of that work for us, and I guess those count as slow food. But most food that requires stoves and ovens is going to require a person sitting around and minding that. If you're poor and working 2 or 3 jobs, when are you going to find that time to mind the stove? If you have 3 kids swarming around your legs, how are you going to mind the oven and still get stuff done? The fact of the matter is that at the end of the day, the last thing some people want to do is cook. And it's not satisfying to simply just eat an apple. You want to eat something satisfying, but you don't want to spend an hour or two preparing it. And then another 10-20 minutes washing dishes and cleaning up. This sucks for anyone, but even more so when your time is at a premium and you're worked like a dog for slave wages all day long. And when "second shift" becomes third or fourth.
Slow food is a great idea if you have the money and the time, or a personal chef to make stuff for you. I would eat "slow food" all the time if I had a personal chef, slave, robot butler, or house elf to do it for me. As it is, I find myself opting for the fastest "slow food" I can find. Like scrambled eggs. Or peanut butter from the jar.
I think I would actually like cooking a whole lot more if I weren't FORCED to do it by the circumstance of Japan being stupid about intolerances and allergies.
Saturday, April 17, 2010
Monday, April 5, 2010
Enjoy Nastiness
Did I mention in the other Enjoy Life review how much I hate cookies that are made with raisins and dates as a binder (not as a visible ingredient like chocolate chips are a visible ingredient, though I'm no fan of that either)? Yeah. I hate it. Usually I would see this with "low-cal" cookies to cut the calories in the eggs and milk and whatever. These have no eggs or dairy. And with something that contains absolutely no ingredients, you gotta use something to keep it all together.
So your good news, if there is any, is that these cookies contain no gluten, wheat, nuts, soy, eggs, or dairy. They even don't contain fish or shellfish, which seems very "duh," but which also might have improved the flavor somewhat. Two tiny little cookies contain 120 calories somehow. And these are really really tiny. Even compared to the snickerdoodles. Just incredibly teensy.
I am not sure how one makes a chocolate cookie with no dairy. Apparently the answer is "badly." I could smell the odor of dried fruit from the moment I opened the package. This one also uses dates, as well as grape, apple, and pear juice. I guess I'm of the mindset that a chocolate cookie should never contain fruit. But what do I know? I decided to give them a shot anyway.
Horrible.
The texture was the same as the snickerdoodles, but more offensive because the flavor was just so terrible. It was like eating a wad of date puree masquerading as a chocolate cookie. There was probably something like chocolate in there, but it didn't really taste like chocolate. It tasted like it was something trying to be chocolate. I suppose if you're a celiac vegan and you've forgotten what a brownie tastes like, maybe it works out for you. If you're simply celiac, then I hear Betty Crocker has some gluten free brownie mix (I have some in the cupboard, actually, so I'll review it at a later date) that's pretty good. I wouldn't even bother eating these.
The only time someone should eat these are:
1. You're the aforementioned celiac vegan with multiple other allergies
2. You're stuck on a desert island and this is the only food available
3. Your mother buys them for you, thinking she's doing something good for you, and you don't want to see her cry
And I might be flexible on #3. Hopefully your mom could deal with the fact that the cookies she bought you tasted like ass.
So your good news, if there is any, is that these cookies contain no gluten, wheat, nuts, soy, eggs, or dairy. They even don't contain fish or shellfish, which seems very "duh," but which also might have improved the flavor somewhat. Two tiny little cookies contain 120 calories somehow. And these are really really tiny. Even compared to the snickerdoodles. Just incredibly teensy.
I am not sure how one makes a chocolate cookie with no dairy. Apparently the answer is "badly." I could smell the odor of dried fruit from the moment I opened the package. This one also uses dates, as well as grape, apple, and pear juice. I guess I'm of the mindset that a chocolate cookie should never contain fruit. But what do I know? I decided to give them a shot anyway.
Horrible.
The texture was the same as the snickerdoodles, but more offensive because the flavor was just so terrible. It was like eating a wad of date puree masquerading as a chocolate cookie. There was probably something like chocolate in there, but it didn't really taste like chocolate. It tasted like it was something trying to be chocolate. I suppose if you're a celiac vegan and you've forgotten what a brownie tastes like, maybe it works out for you. If you're simply celiac, then I hear Betty Crocker has some gluten free brownie mix (I have some in the cupboard, actually, so I'll review it at a later date) that's pretty good. I wouldn't even bother eating these.
The only time someone should eat these are:
1. You're the aforementioned celiac vegan with multiple other allergies
2. You're stuck on a desert island and this is the only food available
3. Your mother buys them for you, thinking she's doing something good for you, and you don't want to see her cry
And I might be flexible on #3. Hopefully your mom could deal with the fact that the cookies she bought you tasted like ass.
Saturday, April 3, 2010
I fixed it! I fixed it!
If you add cheddar cheese to your Tostitos salsa con queso, nuke it, and then put some chopped up, raw tomato on top (I generally use cherry tomatoes because they're less gritty) it is actually pretty cheesy and good!
It also takes all the spiciness out of the "medium" flavor. Which I don't mind at all. But you have been warned.
It also takes all the spiciness out of the "medium" flavor. Which I don't mind at all. But you have been warned.
Sunday, March 28, 2010
Mi-Del Chocolate Sandwich Cookies
I must have some sort of body part that is dedicated to metabolizing Oreo cookies. In the absence of Oreo cookies, it triggers a reaction that causes me to salivate and obsess over and crave Oreo cookies. That's all I can figure. I love Oreos more than life itself and would jump in front of a train for them.
So it's been hard to not be able to eat them. I see Oreo cheesecake and Oreo ice cream and Oreo this and that, and I want it soooo bad. But really, I just want an Oreo. How can I have an Oreo? I needed something like an Oreo. NOW.
Well, I found these lovely friends and decided that I would give them a shot. After all, they LOOK like Oreos, right?
They are not Oreos.
They aren't horrible. But let me explain how this works, exactly.
When I opened the package, it was like staring at Oreos again. Hello, fake Oreos! And I pulled one out and bit into it. Absolutely vile. Like chewing on cardboard. Just disgusting. But then as I chewed and took another bite, the flavor started to catch up with itself. Slowly it became the flavor of an Oreo cookie.
When I bit into the second cookie, it was a convincing Oreo substitute.
The aftertaste leaves something to be desired, though. I'm sure this is a common problem, like my bland cheese problem.
Well, so here's the thing. You can eat these Mi-Del sandwich cookies in place of your beloved gluteny chocolate sandwich cookie of choice, but you need to be warned that you MUST eat two cookies in order to appreciate the flavor. One will not do. And at 130 calories per two cookies, you're wasting about 70 calories of your day on a cookie that tastes like paper products.
Enjoy.
I wonder if they would be any good in something like a cheesecake. I ordinarily eat my chocolate sandwich cookies by halves, but when I tried that with these cookies, found the frosting too bland. Blah. (I don't eat them with milk because milk is disgusting, but they might be good for that. I have no clue.)
So it's been hard to not be able to eat them. I see Oreo cheesecake and Oreo ice cream and Oreo this and that, and I want it soooo bad. But really, I just want an Oreo. How can I have an Oreo? I needed something like an Oreo. NOW.
Well, I found these lovely friends and decided that I would give them a shot. After all, they LOOK like Oreos, right?
They are not Oreos.
They aren't horrible. But let me explain how this works, exactly.
When I opened the package, it was like staring at Oreos again. Hello, fake Oreos! And I pulled one out and bit into it. Absolutely vile. Like chewing on cardboard. Just disgusting. But then as I chewed and took another bite, the flavor started to catch up with itself. Slowly it became the flavor of an Oreo cookie.
When I bit into the second cookie, it was a convincing Oreo substitute.
The aftertaste leaves something to be desired, though. I'm sure this is a common problem, like my bland cheese problem.
Well, so here's the thing. You can eat these Mi-Del sandwich cookies in place of your beloved gluteny chocolate sandwich cookie of choice, but you need to be warned that you MUST eat two cookies in order to appreciate the flavor. One will not do. And at 130 calories per two cookies, you're wasting about 70 calories of your day on a cookie that tastes like paper products.
Enjoy.
I wonder if they would be any good in something like a cheesecake. I ordinarily eat my chocolate sandwich cookies by halves, but when I tried that with these cookies, found the frosting too bland. Blah. (I don't eat them with milk because milk is disgusting, but they might be good for that. I have no clue.)
Mi-Del Arrowroot Cookies
Back in the early days of my colitis-ing, I had a lot of "safe" foods I would turn to when I was feeling icky or needed something "easy" to eat. The irony is that now those foods exacerbate my colitis symptoms. Really amazing, that.
One of my safe foods (among Teddy Grahams and Goldfish) was animal crackers. I really like animal crackers because they are just little animal-shaped puffs of cookie, lightly sweet, very crunchy, and not really good or bad for you. They just ... are.
It's been a real struggle to find something to be my "safe" food since then. Most foods are not safe to begin with, and then those that are "safe" often contain hard-to-digest things like oodles of fiber or nuts or tough, fibrous fruits. I can't get Rice Chex in this country.
I was pretty thrilled to find these gluten-free animal crackers in the "special diet" section of Foreign Buyers Club. Animal crackers! That I can eat! Oh joy of joys!! I put them in the cart and waited my 32-39 days.
These cookies, I feel I should start, contain eggs, milk, and soy. They are not good for people who are sensitive or allergic to those items. And they claim to be produced in an area full of wheat and nuts, although their products meet "gluten-free" guidelines. Okay, we've got that out of the way ...
On the front of the package I can see a bear, a buffalo, a camel, and a ... a ... is that ... what on earth is that? It looks like a cross between a baby cow and a bear. What on earth is a cross between a cow and a bear? I can't even adequately make a humorous combination of the two words. All that comes up in my mind is "crowbar." I guess that almost works.
I opened the bag and there was a pleasant vanilla scent. I don't know if these actually contain vanilla ("natural flavorings") but they do smell like a nice cookie. (The bag has an excellent design so that you can fold it over and keep the cookies as fresh as possible. I have to say I was impressed.)
I pulled out a cookie. We'll say it was a camel. My first impression was that it was flat, not puffy like an animal cracker. Then I bit into it. It wasn't crumbly either, like either kind of animal cracker (the kinds in a plastic tub or the kinds that come in the train car box and taste like McDonaldland cookies). It was kind of hard. I bit through it and the cookie was very buttery, like a shortbread cookie but with a different texture. It was a good flavor, but not an animal cracker flavor.
I ate a few more. They were pretty good, and pretty un-caloric. A serving of crackers is 10 and that gives you about 130 calories, so they are very diet-friendly like an ordinary animal cracker. As for nutritional value, you won't find much more than a little iron and protein. I suppose, like an ordinary animal cracker.
After eating a few I started to notice the aftertaste. I'm not sure what flour or ingredient causes it, but they do have a pretty unpleasant aftertaste. Kind of sour and bitter. And the only cure is to eat another cracker, which may be some kind of devious plot on the part of the folks at Mi-Del. (I guess you could also eat/drink something else.)
So in conclusion ... good flavor, bad aftertaste. I can't really recommend these for people who are aching for an animal cracker, as they don't resemble them in anything but shape. But if you've been dying for Walker's Shortbreads? These are like a flat, crunchy version of those, shaped like bear-cows. And they would make a good snack for you or your kids (or you if you're a kid) or whomever else. They come in a conveniently tall bag and they don't have any trans fat. So if that's one of your big worries in life, worry no more. Huzzah.
One of my safe foods (among Teddy Grahams and Goldfish) was animal crackers. I really like animal crackers because they are just little animal-shaped puffs of cookie, lightly sweet, very crunchy, and not really good or bad for you. They just ... are.
It's been a real struggle to find something to be my "safe" food since then. Most foods are not safe to begin with, and then those that are "safe" often contain hard-to-digest things like oodles of fiber or nuts or tough, fibrous fruits. I can't get Rice Chex in this country.
I was pretty thrilled to find these gluten-free animal crackers in the "special diet" section of Foreign Buyers Club. Animal crackers! That I can eat! Oh joy of joys!! I put them in the cart and waited my 32-39 days.
These cookies, I feel I should start, contain eggs, milk, and soy. They are not good for people who are sensitive or allergic to those items. And they claim to be produced in an area full of wheat and nuts, although their products meet "gluten-free" guidelines. Okay, we've got that out of the way ...
On the front of the package I can see a bear, a buffalo, a camel, and a ... a ... is that ... what on earth is that? It looks like a cross between a baby cow and a bear. What on earth is a cross between a cow and a bear? I can't even adequately make a humorous combination of the two words. All that comes up in my mind is "crowbar." I guess that almost works.
I opened the bag and there was a pleasant vanilla scent. I don't know if these actually contain vanilla ("natural flavorings") but they do smell like a nice cookie. (The bag has an excellent design so that you can fold it over and keep the cookies as fresh as possible. I have to say I was impressed.)
I pulled out a cookie. We'll say it was a camel. My first impression was that it was flat, not puffy like an animal cracker. Then I bit into it. It wasn't crumbly either, like either kind of animal cracker (the kinds in a plastic tub or the kinds that come in the train car box and taste like McDonaldland cookies). It was kind of hard. I bit through it and the cookie was very buttery, like a shortbread cookie but with a different texture. It was a good flavor, but not an animal cracker flavor.
I ate a few more. They were pretty good, and pretty un-caloric. A serving of crackers is 10 and that gives you about 130 calories, so they are very diet-friendly like an ordinary animal cracker. As for nutritional value, you won't find much more than a little iron and protein. I suppose, like an ordinary animal cracker.
After eating a few I started to notice the aftertaste. I'm not sure what flour or ingredient causes it, but they do have a pretty unpleasant aftertaste. Kind of sour and bitter. And the only cure is to eat another cracker, which may be some kind of devious plot on the part of the folks at Mi-Del. (I guess you could also eat/drink something else.)
So in conclusion ... good flavor, bad aftertaste. I can't really recommend these for people who are aching for an animal cracker, as they don't resemble them in anything but shape. But if you've been dying for Walker's Shortbreads? These are like a flat, crunchy version of those, shaped like bear-cows. And they would make a good snack for you or your kids (or you if you're a kid) or whomever else. They come in a conveniently tall bag and they don't have any trans fat. So if that's one of your big worries in life, worry no more. Huzzah.
Ragu Double Cheddar Sauce
I remember back when I was a university student in Japan for a year abroad. I was pining for macaroni and cheese, which was impossible to find anywhere. I found a jar of this Ragu cheddar sauce and mixed it with pasta and ... was extremely disappointed. There was absolutely no flavor. I gave it one more shot, thinking I had just undercooked the pasta or not drained it enough or something, but no. It was just awful sauce.
Fast forward to my wheatless state. I had been purchasing cases and cases of Annie's delightfully delicious macaroni and cheese--deluxe--which was the bestest macaroni and cheese EVER, and I was not about to give up eating macaroni and cheese for something like a wheat intolerance. So I went back to Old Cheesy and hoped I could make it edible.
I read around on the internet and found some people discussing how to add flavor to it. So I poured some of it in a bowl, added salt and pepper, and then some grated cheese. Microwaved it. And put pasta in it. And it was surprisingly edible.
See, here's the thing: Ragu needs to think about upgrading their Double Cheddar to maybe Triple or Quadruple Cheddar, because there is no %@#a&ing cheddar in this sauce. If this is DOUBLE, then maybe quadruple or quintuple would make something with some actual flavor. When I buy a jar of something, I want to use it straight from the jar. I don't want to have cheese on hand to add to cheese sauce. Because that defeats the purpose of buying a sauce. I could make my own sauce.
What is up with all these bland, lackluster cheese sauces? Come on, guys. I checked just to make sure that Tostitos and Ragu were not in cahoots, but Tostitos is Pepsi and Ragu is Unilever.
Do not buy this sauce unless you are either really desperate or else want to add your own special touch to the sauce. It is not worth it. It's simply bad by itself. The alfredo sauce isn't much better, as I recall. There just HAS to be a better cheese sauce out there you can use on pasta or chicken or whatever. Has to be. HAS TO BE!!
Fast forward to my wheatless state. I had been purchasing cases and cases of Annie's delightfully delicious macaroni and cheese--deluxe--which was the bestest macaroni and cheese EVER, and I was not about to give up eating macaroni and cheese for something like a wheat intolerance. So I went back to Old Cheesy and hoped I could make it edible.
I read around on the internet and found some people discussing how to add flavor to it. So I poured some of it in a bowl, added salt and pepper, and then some grated cheese. Microwaved it. And put pasta in it. And it was surprisingly edible.
See, here's the thing: Ragu needs to think about upgrading their Double Cheddar to maybe Triple or Quadruple Cheddar, because there is no %@#a&ing cheddar in this sauce. If this is DOUBLE, then maybe quadruple or quintuple would make something with some actual flavor. When I buy a jar of something, I want to use it straight from the jar. I don't want to have cheese on hand to add to cheese sauce. Because that defeats the purpose of buying a sauce. I could make my own sauce.
What is up with all these bland, lackluster cheese sauces? Come on, guys. I checked just to make sure that Tostitos and Ragu were not in cahoots, but Tostitos is Pepsi and Ragu is Unilever.
Do not buy this sauce unless you are either really desperate or else want to add your own special touch to the sauce. It is not worth it. It's simply bad by itself. The alfredo sauce isn't much better, as I recall. There just HAS to be a better cheese sauce out there you can use on pasta or chicken or whatever. Has to be. HAS TO BE!!
Tostitos Salsa Con Queso Medium
That's a big jar. Cheez.
If there's one thing Japan is not quite clear on, it's Mexican food. Not even Tex-Mex style Mexican food. In the mind of Japan, Mexican food = "tacos." Not even ONE taco. It's always plural. "Tacos." There's also Okinawan "taco rice," which people either don't know is pseudo-Mexican food or don't know is Okinawan.
Oh sure, there are a few Mexican restaurants here and there. There are some El Torito outlets about and a few independent restaurants. But what I miss are nachos. Not just nachos, but nachos with neon orange cheese goo. I found a couple of jars and cans of goo, but they were either not very good or contained ingredients I couldn't eat.
I turned to my friends at Foreign Buyers Club to see what they had. They didn't have much. A giant tub of something that would be impossible to store. Six jars of Mrs. Renfro's, which either was not very good (according to someone on the internet) or fine (wishful thinking). And Tostitos brand. I know Tostitos brand is edible for people like me, and it was something I'm sure I'd had in the past and was edible enough. It would do.
I bought some salt-free tortilla chips and waited for my jars of cheesiness to arrive at my door.
Now, the Tostitos cheese goo isn't terrible. It's just not very good either. (Desperate times call for desperate measures.)
I don't generally prefer medium heat, but that was the only one available. And it was delightfully medium. It isn't too spicy and it isn't unspicy. So that's accurate. And there sure is salsa in there to make it salsa con queso. There are bits of peppers and things that you can see and eat and everything. Great. But I have a slight quibble with the queso part. Yes, it looks like cheese. And it tastes almost like cheese too. But very watered down cheese. When I want orange goo I want a thick, rich, cheddar cheese flavor. This has a mild, bland, timid cheese flavor that seems to want to avoid upstaging the salsa element, but didn't realize that the salsa was going to be about 10 minutes late. Whoops.
So what else can I say about Tostitos's salsa con queso? It does the job, I guess. I didn't have much of a choice. It went well with my salt-free tortilla chips (as well as bland cheese product can) and it won't make me ill, at least from a wheat/gluten standpoint. But if you can choose something else I would definitely recommend it. Tostitos should be a last resort or a next-to-last resort. If you can't eat gluten, it's a safe choice, but surely something else must be safe too. Perhaps you could add a little cheese to it and make it taste more like what it's supposed to be. Like I had to do with the Ragu cheese sauce.
If there's one thing Japan is not quite clear on, it's Mexican food. Not even Tex-Mex style Mexican food. In the mind of Japan, Mexican food = "tacos." Not even ONE taco. It's always plural. "Tacos." There's also Okinawan "taco rice," which people either don't know is pseudo-Mexican food or don't know is Okinawan.
Oh sure, there are a few Mexican restaurants here and there. There are some El Torito outlets about and a few independent restaurants. But what I miss are nachos. Not just nachos, but nachos with neon orange cheese goo. I found a couple of jars and cans of goo, but they were either not very good or contained ingredients I couldn't eat.
I turned to my friends at Foreign Buyers Club to see what they had. They didn't have much. A giant tub of something that would be impossible to store. Six jars of Mrs. Renfro's, which either was not very good (according to someone on the internet) or fine (wishful thinking). And Tostitos brand. I know Tostitos brand is edible for people like me, and it was something I'm sure I'd had in the past and was edible enough. It would do.
I bought some salt-free tortilla chips and waited for my jars of cheesiness to arrive at my door.
Now, the Tostitos cheese goo isn't terrible. It's just not very good either. (Desperate times call for desperate measures.)
I don't generally prefer medium heat, but that was the only one available. And it was delightfully medium. It isn't too spicy and it isn't unspicy. So that's accurate. And there sure is salsa in there to make it salsa con queso. There are bits of peppers and things that you can see and eat and everything. Great. But I have a slight quibble with the queso part. Yes, it looks like cheese. And it tastes almost like cheese too. But very watered down cheese. When I want orange goo I want a thick, rich, cheddar cheese flavor. This has a mild, bland, timid cheese flavor that seems to want to avoid upstaging the salsa element, but didn't realize that the salsa was going to be about 10 minutes late. Whoops.
So what else can I say about Tostitos's salsa con queso? It does the job, I guess. I didn't have much of a choice. It went well with my salt-free tortilla chips (as well as bland cheese product can) and it won't make me ill, at least from a wheat/gluten standpoint. But if you can choose something else I would definitely recommend it. Tostitos should be a last resort or a next-to-last resort. If you can't eat gluten, it's a safe choice, but surely something else must be safe too. Perhaps you could add a little cheese to it and make it taste more like what it's supposed to be. Like I had to do with the Ragu cheese sauce.
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